You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
