I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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