I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
