We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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