No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize