he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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