apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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