Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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