Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
