Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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