The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
