He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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