I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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