Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need to sanitize my soul.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
