Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
