I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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