so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
