Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Randomize
