Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
