Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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