you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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