This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
