I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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