so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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