I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We were destined to go to rehab together
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
