Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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