and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
