Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My underwear smells like fireworks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Drunk is not a location!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
