She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
