He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
