Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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