I feel like abortions should bother me more
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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