She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
