Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
