So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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