I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
