you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
