tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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