Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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