So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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