im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
