There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
