I can feel you judging me through the phone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
