I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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