This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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