Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Randomize
