I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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