I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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