he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
