**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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