Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
