I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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