My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
