your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
