Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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