she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
