I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
