i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
