We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
