you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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