I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
