Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
