I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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