East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
