Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize