I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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