I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You are a genius and a whore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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