Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
